Let Me Feel Once More
by ShaneLC
Summary: Driven by a violent past, Natsuki must battle her warring emotions for a beautiful brunette to keep her safe and to exact revenge on her family's murderers: members of the Sixth Yamaguchi-gumi Yakuza Organization. -on HIATUS-
1. Prologue, I guess

**I would like everyone to know I am not giving up on my story, The Melter Of My Heart. I'm not going to bother with excuses, though. I feel there's no need for it. Anyways, I hope y'all enjoy this story. My writing has improved a bit, as well.**

**Lyrics: courtesy of me.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Mai HiME and it's characters. Sunrise does. **

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Tragedy. This was what fell upon a young girl's family.

Pain. It was all the little girl could feel for a long time.

Hate. The girl held hate in her heart, praying for a chance of revenge.

Indifference. She was numb in her body; frozen.

_Silence. _It was the only answer she'd ever recieved.

**_Love._** Something she would feel much sooner than she ever thought.

**Let Me Feel Once More**

_When I get to feeling like I always do  
I start to bite off way more that I can chew  
So I choke and I broke the bloke  
Who smoked and got doped up with some weed  
That gets me feelin' like I can speed  
Down the highways  
And like I can do everything my way  
Nah Way, I don't give a damn what you say cuz it's pay  
__Back time for you mothafuckas who_

Emerald irises pierced the road before her as she sped to her destination. Her head bobbed to the music blaring over the roar of the Sports-bike's engine, the words seemingly playing a replay of her life.

_Caused me so much grief in my life times two  
So watch ya back cuz that's when I'm gonna shoot  
You have no idea whatcha gotcha self into  
When you broke into my house that night  
And now I'm itching fo' a fight  
Make sho you gotcha house locked up tight  
I don't got no mo' mercy for no one anymore  
Fuckas di'n't even botha to use the fucking front door  
Instead decided to crash the fucking window  
To my parent's bedroom even though  
We was on the fucking seventh flo'  
Of our apartment complex  
Which don't even make any mothafucking sense  
But then again, when does murder even make any sense?  
And that's what I said in my head  
As I watched my family get tied up from unda my bed  
And then shot in they head so they slumped ova dead  
N' I started to feel dread in the pit of my stomach  
When they see my rug and start to tug it  
And I was laying on it, and all I could thing was, 'Shit'  
This is the end for me  
But at least now I won't miss mommy and daddy and sissy_

She swerved suddenly, sending her heart into a race.

_Suddenly, my rug stops movin' and I stop chewin'  
On my bottom lip that I started to rip  
Open with my teeth and I hear this noise  
From the front door that makes the murderers poise  
Ready to shoot the fucka who forces his way into my joint  
It was the popo's who heard the gun shots  
And for once showed up ready to pop  
The murderers in their cranium  
Fuckin' shady bums, fill 'em with Uranium  
Let the pit-bulls loose on them  
Til they pay for what they done  
To my little sista, to ma fatha n' to my mum  
Yeah_

She cursed the rain, having almost crashed once again. The song was distracting her severely, but she couldn't stop listening to the words that hit home.

_I'll neva forget their ugly faces  
Hope their murder leaves fucking traces  
So that my bullet will fucking chase 'em  
To their fucking graves, their lives I'll take them  
And when they start to bleed, I'll make 'em bleed more  
I'll kick their asses 'till their fucking butts' sore  
I'll make being alive seem like a tedious damn chore  
Revenge is something that I fucking strive for_

Just as the chorus finished, the battery died. The bike-rider cursed for forgetting to charge her IPod that night and roughly yanked the music player out of her helmet, stuffing the electronic device into zip-up pocket inside her leather riding jacket. She settled for replaying the lyrics from the song repeatedly in her head, occasionally rapping it out aloud.

Finally, the snake-like road turned into a large Academy, but instead of going into the parking lot, she took a trail leading to the forest. The motorcyclist parked on the roots of a few close-together trees. The overlapping branches prevented most of the rain from reaching the ground and provided enough shelter for her to hurriedly change out of her leather jacket and full-body leather suit and into her brown and orange school uniform. She folded the suit and stuffed it into a compartment under the bike's seat, opting to keep the leather jacket on, if only to prevent the upper half of her body from getting soaked.

_Geez, _she thought in irritation, _the first day of my last year in school, and it fucking rains. -.-"._

That though in mind, the third year sprinted towards the high school building, which was between the grade school building and the Junior High building. Within 15 seconds, the jade-eyed teen clear three hundred fifty feet of open ground, a remarkable feat. It was a shame that no one was there to witness it, or so she thought.

Just as she stumbled into the building, a blonde with a dominating presence yelled, "YOU! There is no running allowed on campus unless it is during chimp!"

_...Chimp? Unless she means gym..._

Emeralds rolled. "Whatever."

This nonchalant response only angered the strong-voiced blonde. Angrily, she strode over to the blunette and caught the girl's arm in an iron grip. "Come with me! Kaichou-san will straighten you out just fine." She growled, yanking the teen along with her as she dragged her to the Student Council's room.

Upon reaching their destination, the rule-breaker was shoved into the room. The door slammed shut behind her.

She caught herself with the use of a nearby desk, saving herself the embarrassment of falling flat on her face. Her eyes held murder. Before she could turn around and let all Hell break loose, a beautifully-accented voice cut through her mind, successfully distracting her.

"Ara, ara, Haruka-san, why have you _already_ brought in a student for me to see? Classes have only begun seventeen minutes ago, not to mention it's only the first day of school," The owner of the lovely voice pointed out.

The biker's attention fell upon a gorgeous young woman with wavy, light-brown hair and smooth, porcelain skin. Deep, ruby gems gazed at her, seemingly seeing through her. Her soft, pink lips were pulled into a polite, yet amused smile. She had her elbows rested on the desk she sat behind and had her hands clasped under her chin.

"This delinquent was caught running on school grounds, and she is late!" Haruka yelled, and the "delinquent" glared at her.

"Haruka-san, please calm down." She ordered the violet-eyed teenager, then turned to the damp student. "And you- would you please state your name?"

There was a tense pause, and then, "Kuga Natsuki."

The Kaichou smiled pleasantly. "That's a beautiful name, Kuga-san. Allow me to introduce myself: my name is Fujino Shizuru, the Student Council President here at Fuuka Gakuen."

Natsuki nodded and decided to sit on one of the desks, which were arranged in a rectangle with the Kaichou's desk filling the shorter side. This, of course, annoyed Haruka, but she chose not to comment for once.

Shizuru, on the other hand, found this somewhat cute. She turned her attention back to the screen of her computer and typed in Natsuki's name. She was pulling her file up, as was required when a student breaks the rules and there is no sufficient evidence. In this case, there was; Haruka wasn't one to lie. Shizuru simply had a sudden, intense curiousity about Kuga Natsuki and felt the need to pull up her file.

After a few moments, it popped up.

_Kuga Natsuki  
Third Year  
Age- 17  
D/O/B- August 15  
Height- 5'3"  
Weight- 105 lbs  
Blood Type- B  
B/W/H- 81/57/83  
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Previously attended St. Spica, one of the all-girls academies on Aestrea Hill. Was kicked out for insubordination and immoral conduct._

_Has a long history of being involved in and/or starting violent fights that usually lead to the other student being sent to the school infirmary, or sometimes the hospital. Is normally quiet and well-behaved, unless seriously provoked. Skips class frequently, yet passes all classes with high A's; skipping is usually overlooked because of this. Is athletically talented, especially in track and swimming. Is known to ride a Sports-bike, specifically a Ducati DRIII. It is unknown where she parks it._

_Lives outside of school in an apartment, location unknown._

_Family- N/A._

_Medical Problems- N/A._

"I think Kuga-san should only recieve a warning. After all, it _is_ the first day of school, and it _is _raining, so it would only be logical to try to hurry indoors." Shizuru said after reading the surprisingly short file of one Kuga Natsuki. Usually, there was much more information...

Haruka objected heatedly.

Shizuru sighed. "Haruka-san, the girl was doing no harm. There is no need for any punishment. Surely you would not attempt any injustice, would you?"

"Of course not! That would be infavorable!" She shouted.

"Ara, I think you mean 'intolerable'." Shizuru corrected the blonde mildly. She recieved a glare and a grumbled comment about "repeating words".

Suddenly, Natsuki spoke up, "Oi, I don't have all day. Am I in trouble or not? I'm kinda missing class right now."

Haruka glared at her whilst Shizuru smiled; the girl had a point. "No, Kuga-san. You are not in trouble, but I do request that you do not be late again, otherwise action will be taken." Her voice was soft, but the meaning was imbedded sternly in her words. Natsuki knew she was being serious.

"Yes, Kaichou-sama. May I leave now?" Natsuki asked quietly, waiting for dissmisal somewhat impatiently.

Shizuru nodded and said, "You may leave. Have a nice day, Kuga-san."

"Mm." Was all Natsuki said as she exited the room, her long, blue hair flowing behind her.

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**So, is this worth continuing? I'm planning on not having immediate ShizNat. I want to try to be original in my story, minus the obvious future relationship and other over-used topics. I'm pretty sure I've said that in my other ones, but whatever. I always mean it.**

**Oh, and the chapters would be longer, as well. This is only a test-chappie! Also, I went ahead and erased the "issuses" Natsuki had after reading a very helpful review by Wolvenkite, although I'm pretty sure most of y'all know what they are already.**

**Please, R&R. This is how I know I will continue. :) Have a nice day.**


	2. New Friend, maybe

**This is a continuation of Natsuki's first day of her last year. I kinda wanna slow things down a bit in the beginning, so yeah.**

**Enjoy!**

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_I swear, that blonde lion must be on steroids or something illegal...damn monster strength and way loud voice..._Natsuki growled in her mind as she headed to her class. _I thought this place was supposed to have normal people, and that red-eyed girl definitely doesn't fall under the "normal" category._

"There's something odd about that girl," Natsuki mumbled to herself. "But what could that possibly be?" _And where the FUCK is room 27-oh. _She stopped talking to herself upon coming across the room she was looking for. She looked at the name on the door: Nakomiizu-sensei. "Here we go, then."

With an irritated sigh, Natsuki turned the door knob and opened the door, revealing herself to a full classroom and a startled teacher. She walked into the room to stand before the young, black-haired teacher whom was sitting on his desk, for one reason or another. It was quite the oddity for a school educator to be seated upon a desk, but the blunette honestly didn't care as to _why _her teacher was doing so. Who cared?

"And who might you be- my missing student, Kuga Natsuki?" He asked, his blue eyes twinkling in annoyance at Natsuki's tardiness.

Natsuki had to stop herself from snarling. "Yes." She answered curtly.

Nakomiizu "Mm-ed" and looked the late teen up and down in disdain. "I see. Is there any appropriate excuse, or have you already been dealt with?"

Emerald eyes narrowed. "I've been enlightened already by the Kaichou. I am simply arriving to class, if that is alright with you?"

It was a clear challenge that Nakomiizu did not take.

He nodded to a seat next to the big glass windows. "You may take your seat behind Tokiha-san, Kuga-san. You haven't missed anything important, by the way. It was just the class rules and regulations." There was a heavy implication of sarcasm in the teacher's voice that Natsuk did her best to ignore.

Natsuki moved towards the one student standing, whom she assumed to be Tokiha-san. The girl was slim and was accentuated by an almost oversized bosom. She had short, orange hair and a pair of purple irises that reminded Natsuki of Haruka. She gave Tokiha-san a nod of recognition before she was out of the girl's view, sat down, and rested her chin in the palm of her hand. Her head was angled so she could look outside and tune out from the rest of the world. Eventually, her eyes closed and she began to dream.

_It was dark and everything around Natsuki was hazy and slanted. Objects were distorted, almost unrecognizable, although some were clear as day. Everything seemed oversized. The noises were distant; echoing, yet so very near at the same time. A crash here, a loud 'thunk' there, and scared or angry voices everywhere._

_She was lying on her stomach, hiding under something. 'My bed,' she thought. 'I'm hiding under my bed.' It hindered some of her vision, but not enough of it. Three shadowy figures were huddled only meters away, their heads bent. Two pairs of boots blocked her sight of the figures, but she didn't move for a better view. Somehow, Natsuki knew they would move soon enough so she could see. Moments later, they did, and Natsuki wished they hadn't._

_One by one, the shadowy figures slumped over after a resounding bang was heard. And then, the only other color among the black and gray was a deep crimson. It stretched across the floor, covering the entirety of it. When blocked by the walls, the red liquid climbed them, and when blocked by the cieling, it spread across it, ruby drops falling. Soon, there was only red and black in the shape of human forms._

_Her heart began to pound painfully as the dead shadow-bodies began to rise from the floor. Their movements were jerky and sudden and fast. They moved like ghosts in horror movies, and Natsuki could only watch as they approached her hidden form. Maybe they wouldn't see her..._

_The bed -her bed- was suddenly thrown away from her. The next thing her mind registered was she was pressed against the wall and the shadows were staring down at her with wide, normal eyes, each a distinct color of green. For a long moment, there was only silence and staring. To her horror, an anguished moaning entered her ears and mutated into horrible caterwauling. She tried to cover her ears, but she was frozen from fear and dread of something she desperately did not want to see._

_There was a sudden silence._

_The shadows' eyes narrowed and turned yellow and huge, gruesome mouths full of sharp, bloody teeth, rotten limbs and insects opened and lunged at her._

_Shrieks like knives stabbing into her eyes cried out:_

**_"YOU LET US DIE!!!"_**

Natsuki awoke with a start, intaking a sharp breath of air. She looked around, glad no one in the room seemed to have noticed her jolt of awakening and extremely relieved she hadn't screamed as she usually did after waking from a nightmare. That would have been one serious day killer.

_I hate that one..._Natsuki sighed.

This particular nightmare was one of Natsuki's reoccuring nightmares. She dreamed of it at least twice a week and it never changed. It was the same, yet it never ceased to scare her to no ends. She could shake and shudder for hours if she allowed such a display of weakness out of her. Could she sacrifice her pride to sit and quiver like some frightened child without her mother? Not without losing regard for herself. Truly, it was quite a sad sight for a near-adult to be so afraid and affected by something constant and never-changing.

The bell signaling the end of class rang. As Natsuki stood, collected her things, and exited the classroom, she couldn't help but dwell on the nightmare. _It's the same every time. I should be used to it after its reoccurance for nearly four years now. _She glared at a few ogling guys, causing them to avert their eyes and hurriedly walk away. _I don't know why it's so scary..._She paused as a sudden thought occured to her. _It's gotta be the mouths. _She shuddered. _They're just so huge and gross._

The blunette was forced out of her thoughts by a familiar voice calling out to her. She turned her head and caught sight of the Kaichou. _What was her name? _She wracked her brain. _Fumi...Fugi...Fuji...Fujino! Fujino...Fujino Shizuru! _Natsuki grinned at her ability to remember the Kaichou's name after not listening to a word she said. _I wonder what she wants?_

"Ara, hello Kuga-san." Shizuru greeted the girl with a polite smile.

Natsuki nodded. "Hey, Fujino."

Shizuru noted the lack of an honorific and knew she should take offense at not being shown the proper respect by someone she does not know, yet somehow, the way Natsuki had said her last name hinted that the girl was being more respectful than she normally was.

"Did you need something?" Natsuki asked her, an eyebrow raised.

But Shizuru shook her head, explaining, "No, no. I simply wished to inquire about your day so far."

Natsuki blinked. _Why do **you **care? _"Oh. It's...been fine, so far, for an hour." She shrugged. _Hell, not even an hour..._

Shizuru smiled. "That's good to hear."

"Mm."

They stood there awkward and quiet, just staring into each other's eyes, until, "Ara, you have beautiful eyes, Kuga-san."

_What? _"Um...thanks, I guess." Natsuki muttered, her eyebrows furrowed in a bewildered fashion as she gave Shizuru a weird look. Other than that, the blunette was unaffected by the Kaichou's tease.

Shizuru -though put off from a lack of a reaction- nodded a 'you're welcome'. "Where is your next class?"

Natsuki blinked at the seemingly random question. She thought for a moment. "Calculus, I believe. Why?"

"Ara, then you had better hurry off to class. Your teacher is on the second floor," was Shizuru's explanation.

Emeralds widened. "Crap. You're right. See ya later, then, Fujino." With that, she turned around and began walking, barely hearing Shizuru's goodbye.

**---**

Natsuki leaned against a wall, absently looking at the rowdy, energetic high schoolers rushing off to the same destination: the cafeteria. It was lunch time for the seniors, and their lunch was after all the other grades', at around one thirty p.m. Some would consider this late, but Natsuki thought it was the perfect time. It was the afternoon, which is when lunch should be eaten, or so she thought. The mornings were for breakfast, and the evenings, dinner. In between was snack time.

She wondered if the food here was any good. Since the blunette never ate school food in all of her school years, she had no idea whether or not the food _was _good. Of course, hearing most of her classmates complain about the quality of it led her to not wanting to actually _try _any of it. The girl figured there would be no point in doing so, so she had simply brought her own lunch every day, never failing to remember to pack it in her school bat. Too bad today was the exception.

Deftly irritated at herself for forgetting to pack her lunch that morning, Natsuki sighed and pushed off of the wall. _Might as well try it. Hell, I may like it. _Her face was pulled into a scowl. _But I prob'ly won't._

Ten minutes of waiting in line later, Natsuki was seated at a lone, round table, staring critically at her lunch. It consisted of matsutake mushrooms, boiled spinach, fish simmered in soy sauce and rice wine, a light soup, and milk. _Lovely..._She sighed despairingly and grabbed her chopsticks. _Here we go. _Immediately after placing a piece of fish in her mouth, Natsuki gagged and discretely spit it back onto her plate. _Leh...nasty..._She then -tentatively- tried a mushroom and some spinach.

Her face turned green.

_Oh dear God, please let the soup be okay. _Being the brave little soldier, Natsuki sipped at her soup.

She set the bowl down and sat quietly for a moment. She then proceeded to rip open her milk carton and chug down the milk. _Everyone was right! This "food" is horrible. T-T I think I saw my life flash before my eyes._

"Whoa, are you okay, Kuga-san?"

Startled, Natsuki choked on the milk she was drinking. Tears came to her eyes as she coughed, struggling to get the milk out of her lungs.

"OH! I'm so sorry, Kuga-san! I didn't mean to scare you!" Natsuki felt a hand pat her back.

The choking teen managed to say, "Not scared. Startled. Who you?"

"Tokiha Mai. You sit behind me first period." Mai sat down beside her.

After getting her hacking under control, Natsuki cleared her throat and said, "Tokiha? Whaddaya doing over here?" She raised a slim eyebrow.

Mai smiled friendlily. "You were all alone, so I thought I'd, maybe, sit with you." She paused, and then added," That, and you don't seem to like what you're eating." She held up a bento. "I packed an extra, just in case someone didn't have any money or lunch, and you look like that someone."

There was an awkward silence that caused Mai's smile to waver slightly. Right when she was about to give up and leave, Natsuki slowly reached out for the bento and took it. "Thanks. That's kinda nice of you, Tokiha." The blunette even offered a half-smile.

Mai's cheeks colored a bit.

Natsuki opened the bento. She was greeted with a mouth-watering aroma of onigiri, sushi, miso soup, and a carton of juice. She picked up her chopsticks, shot a glance at Mai, and ate some of the onigiri. Immediately after tasting it, her eyes lit up. "Damn, Tokiha, this is delicious! You make it?" She took another bite.

The purple-eyed teen grinned and nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah."

"Y'got some serious talent. I betcha you could be a famous chef one day."

"Thank-you." Mai said. "I plan on becoming a chef once I graduate high school, actually. I'm going to apply for a scholarship to several prestigious culinary arts academies."

Natsuki nodded. "That's cool."

"Yeah...what about you?"

Natsuki turned a quizzical eye on Mai, "Huh?"

"What do you plan on doing after high school?" Mai elaborated, staring expectantly at the blunette.

There was a short silence as Natsuki thought about what she would do after high school. She had never given it any thought before, so she really had no idea what she would do once she graduated from Fuuka Gakuen. In all honesty, Natsuki never had enough time to wonder about her future.

Finally, she said, "I don't know, actually. I...well, I just don't know." She shrugged. "I guess I'll figure something out. It's not like I don't have the time, y'know?" She gave a lazy grin.

Mai smiled. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

**---**

Natsuki sighed as she slumped onto her couch in her small apartment. She sipped at the beer can she had in her hand absently, her mind on nothing in particular. School hadn't been particularly interesting, as all of the teachers were reteaching the school rules and such. Her drive home was nothing special, either.

Having nothing to do, Natsuki decided to watch some television. She flipped through the channels religiously, but there was nothing interesting on. Not wanting to get up, she decided to go to movies on demand and buy a movie. The movie the blunette ended up buying was Gran Torino; she had been meaning to see it for months, now.

"Might as well make some popcorn," she mumbled to herself.

_50 minutes later..._

"Oh come on! It was just starting to get to the best parts!" Natsuki groaned, her annoyance caused by her phone ringing. Grudgingly, she paused the movie and answered her phone. "What? Yeah, this is her. Why?" She frowned heavily. "But she was ki-" Suddenly, the teen collapsed onto the couch, her jade eyes widened from shock. "I-I see. Yes, I'll be there as soon as possible. Within the hour? Y-Yes, yes I will. Good-bye." The line went dead, and she lowered the phone from her ear, letting it roll out of her hands.

"How is that even possible?"

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**So, good slowness so far? I know it's not too long, but hey, it's only the beginning, y'know?**

**I will love you forever if you R&R this chapter! :P**


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